Well now.
It's been a long time, so let's catch up.
I think I've finally hit my groove, working for the press. My basic duties include a weekly itinerary of two feature articles, one of a dining out column and one Parrish Art museum snippet.
The dining out column is like a restaurant review, except you can't say anything bad, because out here, most restaurants are owned by a culinary oligarchy, who would be more than willing to pull their advertising from the paper if something negative came out.
The paper's stance is that the column is just to let people know what new restaurants are out here. It's a regional paper, but it's something to fix before I leave.
I saw Keanu Reeves in "Thumbsucker," maybe the best performance of his career. Its like a self-parody of his own acting, I can't even talk. I liked it.
So uh, on to the fun stuff.
I go to movie premieres:
That's Ed Burns and Christy Turlington. Ed Burns was out in the Hamptons promoting his new movie, "The Groomsmen." (Period inside?) I was sent down to the premiere to do two things.
1: Take Picture of Ed Burns
2: Get a sit down interview
So ah, right.
When I get to the premiere, I'm surrounded by hoochie PR bitches. They are girls, I mean girls, because I've met women. These girls, who are dressed like they missed the limo to their senior prom, are hanging around a desk, with a list that, Oh yes, has my name on it.
Hoochie 1: So I said that wasn't cool...Um, Can I help you?
MS: I'm with the Southampton Press. Cinema Society Guy is supposed to meet me here. Hoochie 2: God, you're so hot, I used to diss guys like you in High School, but now you're a fucking stud...
MS: Very understandable, but you're already starting to look like my mom's friends.
Hoochie 2: We just want to have some fun...(pout)
I have a contact. A man who runs the Cinema Society, and helps with the Hamptons Film Festival, a big deal out here. When I tell the girls he wanted to see me, they motion toward the theatre and go back to their talkin'.
Sluts.
The theater is United Artists Southampton. It's a nice, old movie theatre, one that's used for premieres, screenings and whoever is left of the locals to actually watch movies there.
I meet my contact, a man who wears a blue blazer, vertical pinstripe strawberry shortcake peacock colored shirt and ripped jeans. Everything he wore I'm guessing was more expensive than my Bar-mitzvah. And that had the Simpsons Arcade game!
I have a sweet image of the Simpsons Arcade game, but I can't upload any more images. Is anyone else having this problem?
I end up with the paparazzo, taking pictures with my Sony cybershot while everyone else has these souped up japanese cars, er, cameras. I take pictures of Howard Stern and his girlfriend, Christy Brinkley and her aryan race of a family, followed up by Ed Burns and his wife.
The movie, "The Groomsmen," starred Ed, John Leguizamo, Brittany Murphy and Jay Mohr. I say "starred" very liberally. A couple of pre-teens hung out around the theatre, near the velvet rope.
One girl shouts out "Is Britney Spears coming?"
Anyway, after Burns does the stop and repeat, he goes and talks to the Cinema Society guy, who is obviously running the show.
Ed Burns: Ah, I knew I shouldn't have used these p.r. people, they're worthless,
CSG: No, no, everything's great
Ed Burns: Noone showed up, I mean, Howard showed up...
CSG: Yeah man, I'm telling you, it's hot, baby hot!
I introduce myself:
MS, Southampton Press.
I play up getting press for the movie. He says great. I say when can you do an interview, he says, we could do an over the phone tomorrow, or we could do a sitdown closer to when the movie comes out. He then proceeds to give me his email address and phone number.
(Abridged)
So I'm flying, now. Flying. I accomplished my mission. Then, the CSG comes up to me:
CSG: Wanna see the movie?
MFS: Ahh yeyah...
CSG: Not to pressure you, or anything...
I call up Smithtown, this girl I've been seeing, who was waiting for me to finish so we could go to dinner. Turns out she was parked down the street. I call her, tell her to come meet me out here. I yell at her to hurry up.
She comes over, I then adjust myself, look her up and down, and start to promenade, past the security guards, into the theatre.
We go into the theatre, and the only seats left are very close to the screen. We reach our seats and find that there are gift bags waiting for us. Gift bags!
Now, when I think about gift bags, I'm thinking Free Stuff. That's the nature of the gift bag. Free Stuff. This, being an independent movie, had the following free stuff:
Goobers and Raisenets
Assorted Milk Chocolate
Free Subscription to the Wall Street Journal Weekend Edition
10 percent off foo-foo store in Manhattan.
Well, shit.
Smithtown and I settled into our seats. CSG said a few words, followed by Burns. Then we watch the movie.
Which I was rooting for. Really, really, rooting for.
It blew chunks. To summerize, a blatant disregard for an audience's intelligence. ---Possesive.
It didn't matter though, for me, because I didn't invest in it. Actually, it was pretty cool, cause if he could make a movie like that, I could make something really great and go with it. Do something.
Ed Burns Inspires Hope in Young Lackey
By MS
After the movie, Smithtown and I went to dinner at some Italian dive down the block. We had a waiter, a young guy, who was hallucinating after a long day of busing tables. We ordered pasta and club soda. Smithtown bought me dinner. I was on top of the world.
Coming up next...
A Purchase Reunion.
